Humor

The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!

Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?

As fat as Ben Dingley.

When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.

He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

You cat to be kitten me right meow!

Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.

I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!

Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he gets a hole in one!

You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?

Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?

You: Uhhhhhhh

Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.

You: Thank God.

Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...

You: *faints*

What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.

How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.

Orphan joke protest idea.