Humor
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Yo mama's so fat, there's not enough yo mama's so fat jokes to tell how fat she is.
Are you a printer? Because you turn my soft copy into a hard copy. Dark..Humor :)
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Ho Lee Fuk.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What time is it when you smell garbage? Time to run!
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
Orphan joke protest idea.
What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.
This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.
Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.
This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs.