Humor
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
Memes
Speeed suckys messy good
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma bum crack!
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.
Random person: What stuff? 🤨
Me: What?
The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!
Me: Colourful flamingo fart.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
Stop making jokes about Kobe.