What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Humor
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
