Humor

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

These gags are killing me!

Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Why don’t mountains catch colds?

They wear snow caps.

You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.