Humor Jokes

How does hitler tie his shoes?

In tiny Knotsies

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are a fine African meal." then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, "what poor taste?"

My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

Proper-Tea.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? -- Beef jerky.

What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?

Because they had a connection

Call me an escalator because I let people down.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.

Student: OOFT

Teacher: Who are we missing?

Student: Your parents

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it "I'll get you some food once we get off"