Humor
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister.
Daughter: But I don't have a sister.
Dad: Exactly.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
Memes
Tried a random comic generator. Half of the ai generated comics don’t make sense, but the other half…
These gags are killing me!
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?