Humor

These gags are killing me!

Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Why don’t mountains catch colds?

They wear snow caps.

You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)