What does a cannibal and a spider have in common? Both eight legs
Chuck Norris one put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.
What do you call a single bisexual? All bi myself.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
When you suffer from depression and Somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: my goodness, what an idea! why didn't i think of this before
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills.
Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?
Doctor: They Are For You.!!
Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say black paint anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall"
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Wanna hear a terrible Joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven
So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.
Suicidal people are ground breaking
What is long and not hairy??
The congo line in the cancer department
What’s the best part about plowing your cousin?
-It makes your sister jealous
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. -- If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair
Yo Forehead is so big. .the photo on yo Driver's License says "to be continued on the back"
