Humor

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?

Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

The three unwritten rules of life:

1. 2. 3.

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

What's the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.