What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."