Humor

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.

I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

What's the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.