Humor
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Memes
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say "black paint" anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall?"
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
The three unwritten rules of life:
1. 2. 3.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.