Humor
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Family be like:
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
The three unwritten rules of life:
1. 2. 3.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.