Humor

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?

Because they can’t ketchup.

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?

Coldplay.

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding :(

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.