Humor
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding :(
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.