Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister
Daughter: But I don't have a sister
Dad: Exactly
Chuck Norris can make minute made lemonade in 5 seconds.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
i want to make a joke about kobe but it wont land well
I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humon is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans 2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza dosent scream in the oven.
What's a lesbians favorite type of food?
Finger-Food
What is a Necrophiliacs favorite band?
Coldplay
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree
I was gonna do a school shooter joke but it was aimed at younger audiences.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say "You're next". So I started poking them at funerals and saying "You're next" to my friends.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Why don’t mountains catch colds? They wear snow caps.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl? I’d really like to meter
i fell from the stairs the other day. it really "got me down".
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common? They both light up the room
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
