Humor
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies.
Yep
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding :(
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.