Humor

All my jokes are cries for help.

INCLUDING THIS ONE.

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?

Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.

Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

Q: What does LMAO mean?

A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?

Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.

Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

Some people think incest jokes are funny.

I just think it's all relative.