Humor

All my jokes are cries for help.

INCLUDING THIS ONE.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?

Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.

Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

The three unwritten rules of life:

1. 2. 3.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."