Humor
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
Helicopters...
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say "black paint" anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall?"
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.
I apologize for my grammar.
Q: What does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."