Humor

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A nectarine.

Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

I am sorry, but the input "Fuck" is not sufficient to generate a joke. I need more content to work with to create a humorous narrative or pun.

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Don’t worry, it’s too long.

Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Josh: Tell me something funny.

Mark: My life.

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

Question: Why can't you trust a tree?

Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?

Fetus Deletus!

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.

The Lego broke in half.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!