Humor
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
Lachlan
The person who is reading this.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
Stop joking about suicide, it's not funny. You people must be so ignorant to be able to joke about such serious issues that you clearly are uneducated on.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
My dad died lol.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.