Humor
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snow balls.
What is a lesbian's favorite potato chip flavor?
Porn Cocktail.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.