Humor

There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

Lachlan

The person who is reading this.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

Stop joking about suicide, it's not funny. You people must be so ignorant to be able to joke about such serious issues that you clearly are uneducated on.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

My dad died lol.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

Gay guy?

Poo poo packed, lol.

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex, sex, sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"