Humor

What did the lawyer name his twins?

COURTney and CASEy.

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.

Here’s my pun.

Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.

What animal should wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I'm dead! 😂💀💀

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

How do you fit three flags on a bar stool?

Flip it over!

What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.

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An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.