Humor
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Wakanda? Wakanda who? WAKANDA ENDING IS THIS?
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
What do you call a fantastic goat?
Goatastic! So funny please like.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
I know that my jokes are never punny but...