Humor
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
BRUHS0UNDEFFECT!
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
What do you call a homosexual in a coma?
A fruit and a vegetable!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?