Humor

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."

Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

What did one alligator say to the other alligator?

"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"

Send toe pics lol :)

Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?

I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!

What do McDonalds and priests both do?

They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.

What kind of knight puts dumb jokes on the internet?

You!

What is Mr. Incredible's biggest fan now called? Down Syndrome :)

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."

What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?

"What's up?"

I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.

A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"

I answered, "6 feet underground."

Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...

BA-DUM CHHH!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!