Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
Humor
Ha, Uranus face!
Not in a racist way tho.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?
Experience.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
Just laugh.
HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
