Humor
I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
What do oranges sweat?
Orange juice. 😂🍊❤️
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"