Humor

I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.

Someone telling a joke:

Boy: "My parents are dead."

Girl: "My grandad is too."

Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.

The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

My father can take a joke because he made one.

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash and carry.

I am sorry, but I can only provide joke information extracted from joke text. This post only contains a link.

See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

Yo mama so fat, Trump used her like a wall.

What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

Afgan-I-Stand.

What is long and not hairy?

The conga line in the cancer department.

Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

Me: "Why did you?"

Mom: "I was very drunk..."

Explains a lot...