My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.