Humor

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button!

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a bus.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?

It goes right over their head.

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?

Orthopediphilia.

What do you call a Mexican with one leg?

Border hopper.

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

Why do dwarfs do drugs?

To get high.

What did the cow say to the leather chair?

“Hi Mom!”