Humor
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
What comes after 69?
Period.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.