Humor
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Actually, Iron Man is female.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
Roses are red, violets are blue, My name is Bucky, And I am stucky.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
What comes after 69?
Period.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”