How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
Humans Jokes
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
"I created the Human Torch."
What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
Why did the butthole get angry?
So it could wipe every human, snipe.
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
