Humans jokes
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
How are humans and computers different? A human doesn't have trouble shooting.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Humanity.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!
It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:
Bullys are depressed.
Nerds are depressed.
Bad girls/boys are depressed.
Kind humans are depressed.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.