Humans jokes
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
Some people are such "treasures" that you just want to bury them.
Why did the human eat cereal in the bathroom?
So he could querk.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”