What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
