Human jokes
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
What do you call a person?
A person.
What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
What do you call a gay friend?
Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
What do you call a pizza?
Anthony Cahill's face!
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Josh Dalton once ate his shoulder.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
you.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.