Human jokes
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
Yo mama so fricking ugly, she made humans to extinct.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
"I created the Human Torch."
What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
Why did the butthole get angry?
So it could wipe every human, snipe.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.