What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
"I created the Human Torch."
What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
Why did the butthole get angry?
So it could wipe every human, snipe.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
