Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages. One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
Mary had a little lamb Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*
What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
What do you call a gay friend?
Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
