Hows jokes
"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery? It’s all Depends!
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
How did the hipster drown? He ice-skated before it was cool.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).