Hows jokes
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
How did the flight attendant want their burger?
Just plane!
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
Memes
Relatable
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?