Hows jokes
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
I left Iran. Guess how? I ran!
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"
"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.
"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"
"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"
Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"