Hows jokes

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

How do you help a starving cannibal?

You give him a hand!

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

How do homeless people move where they're living?

They pick up their box and walk away.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

How do you get a cow to eat?

Give it mooshrooms!

How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

How To Kill A Blonde 101:

First Step: Get a pool.

Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?