Hows jokes
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
how fun
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
Why do orphans suck at GTA? Because they don't know how to be wanted.
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!