Hows jokes
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
Memes
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."