Hows jokes
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
Why do orphans suck at GTA? Because they don't know how to be wanted.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.