Hows jokes

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

how to solve world hunger and over population?

Cannibalism.

Why do orphans suck at GTA? Because they don't know how to be wanted.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.

He said he couldn't complain.

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."