Hows jokes
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
How do you scare a lot of people in New York?
Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
How does a terrorist feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane."
How do Mexicans begin counting?
Juan, Two, Three.
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".
So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".
So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"
I know, it's an awful joke.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going out and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home, and I will get back with him tomorrow morning.