Hows jokes
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
Memes
cant talk..
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.