Hows

Hows jokes

Loneliness

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

Orphan

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

Hand Job

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

Woman

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

Nickname

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

Suicide hotline

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Inbreeding

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Child

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

Adoption

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

Fruit

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

Michael Jackson

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

Lightbulb

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

Sex

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."