Hows Jokes

How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than three because the basement is still dark!

How did the retard win the break dancing competition?

He saw flashing lights.

Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?

A: Wave at him.

How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

FOR REAL

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know how to hit a home run.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.

A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

Wood fired pizza?

How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O

Please drop a like.

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"