Hows jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
Don’t think, just do, live in the now, don’t care about the future, yeeeeee
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
How can Batman defeat the Joker? A: With a handful of sleeping pills.
How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?
Treon: How did you find that?!
Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!
Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!
Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!
Treon: We can't!
Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.