Hows jokes
Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.
How did Anakin get away with cheating?
By choking on his wife!
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"
I got 39,300,000 matches.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.
"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.
Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...
How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?
Depends on who's hanging.