Hows jokes
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.
Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod
How fast does 173 move?
Breakneck speeds!
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding. He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied. The cop said, "But there is no traffic." And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
How do you get a discount off groceries?
Scan the emo kid's wrists.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"
Friend: "Dagobert Duck."
Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."
Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"
Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.