Hows jokes
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
How is a child with cancer and dark humor similar? They never get old.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
How does a rapper like his eggs?
Hard-boiled, to match his beats!
How come you never see a broke midget?
Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.