Hows jokes
Why was the rapper always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to DROP the BEAT!
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How do you break an orphan's wall in their room in the orphanage?
Tell them to put a tally on the wall with a pen for every second their parents are missing.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.