Hows jokes
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
How did Hitler get killed?
With a "NEIN" millimeter.
Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?
Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"
James replied, "He's as old as me."
Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."
James then said, "He became my father when I was born."
How did the orphan lose its parents?
Its parents never came back from getting milk.
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
How many Lowe’s could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s?
How do skeletons talk to each other? By the telebone.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.