Hows jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!
How many foster parents does each orphan have?
One half.
Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.
How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"
James replied, "He's as old as me."
Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."
James then said, "He became my father when I was born."
Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?
Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.