Hows jokes
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."