This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
How are orphans and apples different. One gets picked
How did Jenson lose against a Cheetah?
Because he was a cheetah!
"How do celebrities stay cool?"
"They have many fans!"
How do you get away with rape?
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
I am curious how many likes this will get.
LIKE IT!!!!!
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.
All they will talk about is how great their family is.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
