Hows jokes
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
How did Caillou quit his party?
He had to cancel it.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!