Hows jokes
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
How do you throw a space party?
You planet! 🤣🤣🤣
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
Why do orphans have phones?
Because they don't know how to call home.
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.