I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
How are orphans like Spider-Man?
No way home.
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
