Howe jokes

How do you organize a space themed birthday party?

You planet.

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

Out of a catalogue. 😁

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?

You turn off the WiFi router.

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

How do you make a cat go "woof"?

... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"