When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dads corpse holding a jug of milk.
What did the balls say the dick
Hay dick how's it hanging
Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked "how many of you guys are trump fans?" since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well except little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "why are you being different again Johnny....." so little Johnny says "well because im a democrat. My mom is a democrat and my dad is a democrat, so im a democrat!" so then the teacher responds with "well what if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot what would that make you?" well little Johnny says, "a trump fan!"
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
I'm really worried for Steven Hawkins cause how us he going to climb the stairway to heaven
How do you make a cat go "woof"? .... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
how do you know youre following a dolorean? the white line disappears
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
How do you cure a ginger? Chemotherapy
How does Moses make his cup of tea Hebrews it
a man was walking with a young boy in the woods. the boy looks at the man and says "mister, its too dark and im getting scared." the man replies with, "how do u think i feel? i have to come back alone."
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
How do you wake up lady gaga? Poker Face.
How do make an orphans hands bleed: tell them to clap til' their parents get home
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
