Howe jokes

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?

Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.

How do you stop a skunk from smelling?

Hold its nose.

Worst joke ever.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

How to commit arson:

1. Burn down an orphanage.

Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?

Me: *silence*

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.

Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because they hate how he cares about family.

I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.