Howe jokes

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

How did the cheetah greet other animals?

Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."

Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.

25 at a time.

The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.

Black and bitter.

How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you?

I'm a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.

How did the flight attendant want their burger?

Just plane!

How do you make epileptic kids dance?

Throw a flash bang in their room.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Wood fired pizza?

How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O

Please drop a like.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.

How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?

Because Paul Walker crashed into it.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until they see their parents.

Q: How did the explorers get to school?

A: They rode the Colum-bus!

How do you make a plumber sad?

You kill his family.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He ran out of battery life.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.