Howe jokes
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
Memes
You are the special
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."