Howe jokes
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I donโt find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? Thatโs cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
Memes
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. ๐๐คฃ
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! ๐๐๐๐
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
How are peppers ๐ถ so nosey?
They get jalapeรฑo business.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But donโt worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: ๐โฅ๏ธ๐ช
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."