When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
How did Hitler tie his tiny little shoesies?
With tiny little Nazis.
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
How did the retard win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
