Howe jokes
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Memes
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."
Orphan: "How?"
Kid: "You wouldn't know."
Orphan: "........."
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
How do you get an emo kid to jump?
A bridge.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...
Girl, scan the code on your wrist!