Howe jokes
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
How do stars die?
Normally, an overdose.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Memes
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?
Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!