How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
Howe Jokes
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
How do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you donβt know how to use a pistol? Look, Iβll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasnβt a very good demonstration.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
