Howe jokes
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Memes
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
How do you count cows with a cowculator?