Howe jokes
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Memes
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
How do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.