I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Howe Jokes
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
How do birds pay? With their bills!
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
