How Many jokes
How many times do I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
YEET YEET YEET YEET YEEET EYYYETETETYETEYETYETTEYTEYTEY EYYEYETYETYETYETYETYETEYEYEYEYEYTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
How many YEETS are there?
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
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