How Many Jokes

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.

How many are hungry?

A. 10

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.

Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)

3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)

Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.

How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?

50.

how many africans does it take to change a light

a water bottle

If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?

That number is how many dicks you suck.

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?

None, the rest fly away.

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb. None, because they can't change anything.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

A man found out that he was going to die.

A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"

Then he died and learned how to say no in German....

How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

How many mice dose it take to *screw* in a light bulb 2 ;)

Ex girlfriend “i can smell fish” Ex boyfriend “i can smell shit” Ex boyfriend “ well how many boys swam down there” Ex girlfriend “20!” Fish “ wasn’t mean I don’t swim around mistakes”