How Many jokes
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.