How many times do yo tickle a squid before it laughs???
TEN-TICKLES
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
How many South Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
