House jokes
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
Memes
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
What movie do orphans hate? Full House 🏠
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
Question: What does baseball have that orphans don't?
Answer: A home.
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."