House jokes
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Memes
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
Question: What does baseball have that orphans don't?
Answer: A home.
What movie do orphans hate? Full House 🏠
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫